Day 170 Tuesday September 25

FOOD bacon and eggs

No lunch

5 ounces of liver
2 cups of baked beans
Seven crackers, some cheese and salami


WEIGHT 253
CAFFEINE 8 cups coffee, with heavy whipping cream
SLEEP 10 HRS
SUN
EXERCISE walk for 1 hour
BLOOD SUGAR
KETONES

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS
So, today wasn't such a bad day really. I was pretty busy at work but at least now I know what's going on and I'm starting to get things rolling. mood was fairly good. I'm sure that eating fewer carbohydrates yesterday has made an improvement in my mood today. Actually, I didn't eat anything yesterday at all and I felt pretty good. I found another bottle of ketostix today. So I did it yesterday and had no ketones at all last night. I had a lot of carbohydrates on Sunday, so that's why.

I was busy all day today, but, when it's busy at least I know what I should be doing and although it's frustrating at times I feel more productive. I'm not sitting there thinking of projects I could be doing and be unable to decide which one to start. I've said it before, but it seems as that when I'm under the gun the adrenaline makes it easier for me to decide what I should be doing, and to get started on doing it. I guess that's why I always end up procrastinating on things until the very last minute when it becomes a crisis and then I become motivated to actually do it. Sometimes that really pisses me off.

Day 92 Monday July 9

FOOD:

Breakfast:
bacon and eggs

Lunch:
grassfed stew

Dinner:
grassfed beef

EXERCISE: walk
WEIGHT: 278
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
stayed up until 1AM, woke at noon. Cat woke me up. Maybe I should record my sleeping hours and try to get a handle on what's going on.

Day 90 Saturday July 7

FOOD:

Breakfast:
bacon and eggs

Lunch:

Dinner:
3 burger patties, ribs with bbq sauce

EXERCISE: not sure if I walked
WEIGHT:
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
set up lamp to go off in morning and wake me up. Still having trouble getting to sleep on time. Sleep deprived. Took a big nap yesterday evening, and then stayed up til 7am today, and then slept til noon. And I walk out in the sun every morning to try to set my circadian rhythym. Tough.

visited friends, had a good time. Mood starting to lift after being pretty down about money problems lately. Lack of money is holding me back a bit from getting things done right now, and doing fun stuff. But this is a big challenge for me, managing money, and hopefully I'm taking steps in the right direction right now.

Day 89 Friday July 6

FOOD:

Breakfast:
bacon and eggs

Lunch: made stew from grassfed beef, green pepper, onion, garlic, 2 cans v-8, and some butter, in the crockpot. Divided 3 lbs beef into stew- make 4 portions.

Dinner: More stew

Later, met friends at bar, at some bbq chicken wings, and fried chicken. Diet pop- I quit drinking. Read today that it's bad for triglycerides. I had heard that before, but nice to hear it again.

EXERCISE: walk 1 hour
WEIGHT: 276
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Starting to feel better about money situation. I'm selling stuff on ebay. I have a budget and a plan and systems in place.

Day 88 Thursday July 5

FOOD:

Breakfast:
bacon and eggs

Lunch: chicken breast skinless

Dinner:
grassfed steak
some brat
blue and strawberries

EXERCISE: walk
WEIGHT: ??
BLOOD SUGAR: still no test strips- been broke lately
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
money problems, but feeling okay. If walking is a mood booster, so is the sun! I've been trying to get 13 minutes each side around noon on sunny days. Not much color yet really, but love the feeling of being in the sun. I also notice, that before i hated the sun, and ALWAYS wore sunglasses, whereas now I rarely do. I can remember back to being a kid and hating the sun and heat.
Still problems getting to sleep on time. I can't make a dent in that one!

Day 86 Wednesday July 4

FOOD:

Breakfast:
bacon and eggs

Lunch:
raw veges and dip - broccoli, carrots
2 burgers
2 brats
1 dog (no buns on any )
1 slice of cake

Dinner:
1 brat

EXERCISE: walk 1 1/2 hours at night
WEIGHT: 277
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Met girl yesterday, had a nice time actually.

Reading more about sleep, dopamine, insulin resistance. Don't have the book, but reading about "Lights out", which describes a connection between sleeping, light, carbohydrates and insulin production. Read about that company using bromocriptin, or whatever it's called, to treat insulin resistance. They talked about seasonal hormonal changes as well.

Stayed up super late again. I want to revisit this problem again. I was thinking of having lights on timers to wake me up, and tell me to go to sleep, with red lights instead of full spectrum. Also, having lights on in the house during the day as a wakefulness reminder. Setting the light cues to the actual rising and setting of the sun. Sleeping more total hours.

Need to order more grassfed. Need to start lifting weights again.

Day 85 Tuesday July 3

FOOD:

Breakfast:
steak and omega 3 eggs

Lunch:
Salmon- not farm raised

Dinner:
sm. steak

EXERCISE:
WEIGHT: 282
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Back to staying up late and sleeping late. Didn't walk yesterday and actually feel good today- like maybe I needed a rest from it. I am starting to think, especially as I get older, that the resting and recovery is the most productive part of exercise. And I'm not really up to anything grindingly difficult anyway. Reading stuff lately on how killer cardio isn't all that great for you. The better solution is light cardio (walk), moderate weight training, and perhaps occasional hard aerobics like sprinting, if you're in shape for that. I'm down with that. I do want to start lifting, but I've had problems doing that. It's dumb- I'm so disorganized. I bought a bench and rack, but now I need a new barbell. And I'm paranoid about dropping a weight on my cat. So now I'm thinking about bringing my weight stuff to the woods or something and lifting there. It's only once a week, right? But it's a lot to truck out there, and won't work so well once I'm back at work, and it would be nice to play the radio perhaps.

On another note, I'm worse than broke right now. A few unexpected expenses, combined with my ADDish lack of financial discipline and paperwork control, mean that I'm officially fucked. I'm scrambling to get some money now. This sucks. One thing after another.

Reading interesting stuff about the relationship between dopamine and insulin resistance.

Going through old posts today. Recognizing that I had a few tough spots with my exgirlfriend leaving and my cat dying. Also a few financial emergencies that really sunk me. But overall my mood has been improved. Still no progress with women or sleeping, but my ability to do chores is way improved. Getting money stuff under control, clearing out inbox backlogs, filing, getting organized, cleaned out the storeroom, cleaned out junk from the van, creating new routines to stay organized. Planning little outings to festivals and stuff. If I had more money I'd be doing pretty well right now. But I don't, so now I'm dead in the water for months. Again, hoping something will rescue me, but I don't see what. I'm trying to sell stuff online to get money now. Wish me luck!

Oh, meeting girl for coffee at 3pm today. Not excited. God, I don't know why I'm so glum about this kind of stuff. It's like a dentist appointment to me. She seems okay, kinda quirky and cool. I wonder if she smokes pot though, and if that will interfere with what I'm trying to do. Don't really enjoy this sort of thing. Guess that's why I'm not good at it.

Day 84 Sunday July 1

FOOD:

Breakfast:
sesame chicken- lots of sweet sauce- no rice
teriyaki beef- lots of food

Lunch:

Dinner:
steak and eggs

EXERCISE: WALK/SUN
WEIGHT: 279
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS: okay, not great. Some days I take my supplements and somedays I forget. I don't really record that. Also don't record days I get out in the sun. I may start doing that.

Day 83 Saturday June 30

FOOD:

Breakfast:
bacon and eggs

Lunch:
5 oz shrimp and some sauce
mixed nuts at friends house

Dinner:
15 oz salmon- not farm raised- really yummy

EXERCISE: WALK/SUN
WEIGHT: 280
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS: Had bad headache in morning and during the day. Got some sun. Visited friends and had a nice time.

Day 82 Friday June 29

FOOD:

Breakfast:
omega 3 bacon and eggs

Lunch:
chicken wings (sweet sauce)

Dinner:
gyros and hot dog sans bun

EXERCISE: walk 1 hour
WEIGHT: 280
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS: Feeling okay. Felt a little low a few days ago and realized I had skipped a day or two of vitamins. Vitamins for me including L-Dopa and 5-htp, which increase dopamine and serotonin in the brain. I should watch more closely to see how they affect me. I know that with the L-Dopa there could be some long term effects, but I'm not in it for the long term, just experimenting really. I should research to see if anyone else is using L-Dopa for ADD.

I've also been trying to get out in the sun once in a while for more vitamin D.

Day 81 Thursday June 28

FOOD:

Breakfast:
bacon and omega 3 eggs

Lunch:
grassfed ground beef

Dinner: 3 pork chops

EXERCISE: walk 1 hour/ Bike 30 minutes (?)3 miles
WEIGHT: 280 (going down again)
BLOOD SUGAR: still out of test strips
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS: In an okay mood. Getting some stuff done today. Think I finally settled the budget issue, so that makes me feel good. Also getting my work more organized.

Day 80 Wednesday June 27

FOOD:

Breakfast:
bacon and eggs

Lunch:
1 lb grassfed ground beef

Dinner:
3 salmon fillets- from frozen, farm raised, spices

EXERCISE: walk 1 hour
WEIGHT: 283
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
In an okay mood. Frustrated with making a budget. Got a few things done, not too much.

Day 79 Tuesday June 26

FOOD:

Breakfast:
bacon and eggs

Lunch: small ordinary steak

Dinner: grassfed ground beef- no more kechup or A-1!

EXERCISE: walk 1 hour
WEIGHT: 285
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS: woke up early today. Felt fine, but at 5PM feel a little sleepy. No napping- will stay up until 10PM. Didn't get much done today- surfed the web a lot.

Day 78 Monday June 25

FOOD:

Breakfast:
bacon and eggs

Lunch:
mcdonalds chicken strips-fried

Dinner:
2 pcs fried chicken
2 pcs fried fish

EXERCISE: walk 1 hour
WEIGHT: 284
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Well, it was a BBQ June 17th that started my slide. Or rather stall. A few items, a cupcake, potato salad, beans, etc. And since then fried foods on a few occasions. The pattern is clear. I need to get back to what I've been doing which was working.

Also, starting Monday I decided to get to bed at 10pm and wake up at 6am no matter what. I might stay up later, but I need to get up at the right time to set my clock. Get up and get out- and go for a walk, set myself to the sun.

I am ready to order a bunch of grassfed but I have to wait until I get paid Friday. I bought weight lifting stuff but now I need a new barbell.

In an okay mood I guess. Had one down episode a few days ago, but feeling fine. I read something about dopamine deficiency causing a lack of long term vs. short term planning. They said that people would also be affected by emotions in the short term. I've heard that said about ADD'rs, that they react strongly to upsets but bounce back. So they don't get in months of depression, but every little setback hits them hard for a while. I can identify with that. Something will happen and I get so down, and a day later I'm in my car driving and singing with the radio and feeling fine. The problem is lack of a long term focus. Focus to say "this is only temporary- focus on the long term goal".

Read some great stuff about BDNF being affected by high sugar high saturated fat diets, and that lack of BDNF causes brain problems AND metabolic syndrome problems. The link.

Day 76 Saturday June 23

FOOD:

Breakfast:
bacon and eggs

Lunch: grassfed ground beef

Dinner: liver and onions
bbq beef sandwich sans bun
baked beans

EXERCISE: walk 1 hour
WEIGHT: 285
BLOOD SUGAR: out of strips
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Not too hung over at least. I also haven't been staying up until 4am all the time lately. It's more like 2am, which isn't bad. Also not super oversleeping. Try to get up and going and out in the morning more, get out in the sun also. I did a little sunning yesterday. I like it. Went to festival with friends.

Day 75 Friday June 22

FOOD:

Breakfast:
steak and eggs
some hash browns

Lunch:

Dinner:
line caught tuna in olive oil
salad w/ blue cheese dressing
1 cup potato salad

later:
peanuts
carrots
10 beers?

EXERCISE: walk 1 hour
WEIGHT: 286
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Got a few things done. Feeling decent. Walking sure is a mood booster.

Hung out with friends and then went to some local bars. One guy said to me "you sure look happy" jokingly. I guess I walked in with a pretty serious face. I try to smile more, but Guess when I drink I forget that. You know, I'm tempted to drink not so much because I enjoy it, but as a way to socialize more. When I think about quitting my chief worry is that I'll be even more unsociable. But like last night, I wan't socialable anyway. And when I drink I rely on that rather than trying to improve my social skills. I spend too much money, get hungover, drive when I shouldn't, and behave erraticly. There was a girl last night I should have talked to but didn't. I should quit drinking, and then try to go to all these places again and be more sociable. If you just mind your own business people end up talking to you anyway. At least I'd be something to put myself out there.

Again, weight loss has stalled. I'm not going to beat myself up or get too weight focused. In a way losing it slowly makes it more likely to stick, and I'm in the for the long haul. I do need to look at how my transgressions, like potatoes, sauces, breading and beer have hurt my progress.

Got some more weights from my friend. Still waiting for bench!

Day 74 Thursday June 21

FOOD:

Breakfast:
omega3 bacon and eggs.

Lunch:

Dinner:
4 pcs breaded fried chicken
6 bbq chicken wings

EXERCISE: walk 1 hr
WEIGHT: 285
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS: I have this program on my palm called eatwatch. It allows you to enter your weight, and it smooths out the curves, and gives you a better picture of your weight, without getting tossed about buy momentary ups and downs. I've had a tiny slump lately, I'm sure as a result of the bbq this weekend. I had beans, potato salad, and a piece of cookie cake. It takes a few days to recover and get back into weight loss mode. It takes a few days after cheating for the dip to occur. I should run a ketostix soon as well.

Feeling okay. I was a little down lately, because my buddy, who's married, has better luck with meeting women than me. I shouldn't call it luck- it's the fact that I'm not even trying. I don't have the enthusiasm for some reason. I'm my own worst enemy. And now I'm worrying about the virtual assistant I hired- worried I'm getting ripped off, and embarassed that maybe its a stupid idea. I don't know, people with ADD are hiring ADD coaches for $100 an hour, I'm paying this girl $12 and she looks through my to do's and helps me prioritize. I thought it would help to have someone watching me. I made a budget so now I'm worried about money.

Overall I'm in a decent mood. I am also being more productive lately. I guess I need to focus on a few areas, like saving money, meeting girls, continuing fitness, etc.

Fitness wise- I want to start lifting again. I ordered a bench and squat rack. I should start bringing weights up from the car, and using the dumbells I have and doing some crunches every day. Maybe not every day- need time to recuperate, just like any other muscle I guess.

I should also start riding my bike as well.

Also, had a little bit of a sore stomach yesterday after the double cheeseburger and this morning. It came back a little this morning but got better when I walked. I wonder if drinking as much coffee as I do, with this hot weather, has something to do with it.

Day 73 Wednesday June 20

FOOD:

Breakfast:
omega3 bacon and eggs

Lunch: buffalo meat patty

Dinner: Popeyes chicken strips, bbq sauce, diet coke

double bacon cheeseburger- no bread (feeling hungry- seems like I ate more this night- was it the bbq sauce?)

lamb patty

EXERCISE: walk about an hour, walk more later in night
WEIGHT: 285
BLOOD SUGAR: running out of test strips
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS: woke up super early today. Went to bed super early yesterday after eating rice. Hopefully I can get myself on a schedule of not staying up so late. I got up and walked this morning. I should get on a routine- get up, walk, eat, shower, chores, go out and do something fun, etc.

Day 69 Saturday June 16

FOOD:

Breakfast: bacon and omega3 eggs

Lunch:

Dinner: low carb omlette from diner(saus, bacon, eggs, mushrooms, onions, peppers) with ketchup, and 6 oz orange juice

EXERCISE: Walk 1 hour
WEIGHT: 283
BLOOD SUGAR: 89
KETONES: small

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS: Hard waking up today. My sleep has been even more out of sorts, coming home, taking a nap, waking at 10 pm, websurfing, sleep for 2 more hours then work. Some mornings, like this morning, when I wake up it's like I'm drunk, and I have a headache, like I was out drinking or something. I've had a few headaches this week. I'm starting to think I get the headaches from carbs somehow (my single track mind, lol!). I can remember years ago when I was taking pills from the doctor to lose weight- he had me avoiding carbs also, and at that time I strongly associated my headaches with a descire to eat some carb type snack. I wonder if it's a carb pang, or something completely different. Just hunger? hmmm..

Day 65 Tuesday June 12

FOOD:

Breakfast: bacon and eggs

Lunch: stew/grassfed/onion/peppers/tomatoes

Dinner:
16 chicken nuggets-breaded, bbq sauce (high fructose corn syrup, I'll bet)
burger no bun, 3 onion rings

EXERCISE: walk ~ 1 hour
WEIGHT: 288
BLOOD SUGAR: 83
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
did the HB1AC1 test today for blood sugar. Sent it away- see what results are. It's only $35. I should do one more often- and I should do a cholesterol test also.
Not feeling too bad- make a big mistake at work, which I can fix, but I was really hating myself for not keeping up with things. Walk was nice.