Day 145 Friday 8/31/07

FOOD:
1 beer
italian beef no bread
chicken sandwich no bread burger king
triple burger no bread burger king


WEIGHT: 264
CAFFEINE:
SLEEP:
SUN:
EXERCISE:
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:
FASTING in the AM

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:

Day 144 Wed 8/30

FOOD:
coffee
grassfed stew
diet pepsi

more grassfed stew


WEIGHT: 267
CAFFEINE:
SLEEP:
SUN: YES
EXERCISE:
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:
FASTING:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
This is day 2 of Intermittant fasting, in the PM today

Day 143 Wed 8/29

FOOD:
line caught tuna

bacon and eggs
3 oz liver


WEIGHT: 270
CAFFEINE:
SLEEP:
SUN:
EXERCISE:
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:
FASTING: in the AM

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:

Day 142 Tuesday August 28

FOOD:

sausage egg and cheese mcgriddle
coffee

chocolate donut

pizza with crust
2 diet 7 up

spaghetti
garlic bread
diet pepsi

WEIGHT: 270
CAFFEINE: coffee, 3 diet pop
SLEEP: 8 hours
SUN:
EXERCISE:
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
First, 8 hours of sleep and I feel tired! Second, when I ate carbs a week ago that triggered about 8 days of eating carbs and a weight gain of about 7 pounds. Third, today is my birthday, and I feel fine. My gift to myself is getting a handle on carbs again. This isn't a crash weight loss here. This is learning habits that I can use the rest of my life. I think I will experiment with the intermittent fasting, just for the hell of it. Starting at 5PM today. I will not eat until tomorrow at 5PM. 24 hours of no food! Exciting stuff!

Day 141 Monday August 27

FOOD:

bacon and eggs

teriyaki beef
rice
sesame chicken
2 diet cokes

spaghetti
4 garlic breads
1 liter RC

WEIGHT: 267
CAFFEINE: RC
SLEEP: 9 hours?
SUN: N
EXERCISE: N
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Day before my birthday. Went carb crazy. Reading some interesting articles about intermittant fasting. Not sure if it would throw off my hunger control. The thought of running out of money, or at least trying really fucking hard not to spend any, has made me eat more carbs lately. Also the birthday. And also a feeling of it's ok to cheat since I'm already cheating. And some frustration with ADD stuff, like the changes I've made haven't helped. On that front, the jury's still out. Reading some good stuff on how ADD, and lack of dopamine, makes you overeat more. So it's an affect, not the cause. But I'm still not sure. Haven't gotten rid of all my fat. Also need to kick up the exercise. Exercise increases dopamine and insulin resistance. Takes a while to make these changes. The physical changes have definately been there. One more day until my birthday, and then I'll get back on track. Maybe I should try the intermittent fasting, at least for now, just to see what happens? Get me back into blogging, to describe the affects. Break up this carb routine I've gotten in. Keep things interesting. I'm broke anyway- might save money? I like what people say about making it easier to turn down a meal. Like sometimes the only options are a carb heavy meal, so I eat it. I could have the option of just not eating, skipping a meal. It makes sense from a paleo perspective I guess- how could you guarantee 3 meals a day in the wild? People go from cradle to grave and never miss a meal.

Day 140 Sunday August 26

FOOD:

Line caught tuna

Don't remember what else I ate

WEIGHT:
CAFFEINE:
SLEEP:
SUN:
EXERCISE:
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:

Day 139 Saturday August 25

FOOD:

2 and a half burgers with bun
4 hot dogs with buns
hot stuff chips
3 diet cokes

cookies- ~9
watermelon

WEIGHT: 265
CAFFEINE: 3 diet cokes
SLEEP: 11 hours
SUN:
EXERCISE:
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Met friend for BBQ. Again, he bought the food, I pitched in. Felt like I had to get the extra calories from the carbs since I'm so broke. What sense does that make? This being broke and contemplating fasting puts me in anxiety mode and I find myself justifying eating carbs to myself. Also, again, my birthday is coming up.

Day 138 Friday August 24

FOOD:

BURRITO WITH BREAD
2 TACOS WITH BREAD

2 diet cokes

WEIGHT: 266
CAFFEINE: 2 diet cokes
SLEEP: 11 hrs
SUN: no
EXERCISE: no
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Met friend for lunch. No idea why I ate the carbs. Didn't even think about it until later on.

Day 137 Thursday 8/23/07

FOOD:

1 pc fried chicken
sm. salad with ranch

burger WITH BUN
POTATO CHIPS
SIDE OF MOSTACIOLI
2 diet cokes

CHOCOLATE CAKE

2 pcs chicken
1 SPRITE
FRIES


WEIGHT: ?
CAFFEINE: 3 pops
SLEEP: 7 hours
SUN: no
EXERCISE: no
BLOOD SUGAR: ?
KETONES: ?

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Realize I messed up the sleep. It was last night I slept by my moms and didn't get enough sleep. We both have a birthday coming up, hence the cake. Always something. My tires won't hold air. I owe ebay money. Cat needs to go the the vet.

I think about quitting my therapist- it's nice but I can't afford it. Sometimes it makes me mad. I think I'm just a wussy who can't say no. Like I'm just going because she needs the money and she'd talk me out of quitting her. But other times it is helpful. She know how broke I am. I almost feel like she should give me a month off. I mean, what would happen? She's my overeating counselor. At this rate, I won't have money to even buy any fucking food!

Day 136 Wed. 8/22

FOOD:

bacon and eggs

full slab of bbq ribs
fries
2 diet cokes
sm. plate of spaghetti
3 mini ice cream sundaes 1/4 cup ea.?

WEIGHT: ?
CAFFEINE: 2 diet cokes
SLEEP: 6 hours- not good sleep- not at home- sun woke me up
SUN: none
EXERCISE: none
BLOOD SUGAR: ?
KETONES: ?

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:

Helped my mom. Ate whatever she served me. Totally broke at this point. Considering fasting for a few weeks. Yes, it's that bad. :( Worried that my cat is sick, but then again I always worry about the cats. And money. And my job. And why my life is going nowhere. My therapist commented on this and it kind of bummed me out. ADD is characterized by low dopamine, and dopamine is the neurotransmitter that gives us drive and ambition. I am sorely lacking in this area. I am a boat with no rudder, drifting where the wind takes me. Just reacting. When the creditor calls, or something is due TODAY, then I act, and only then. Or if something is interesting to me. This fucking sucks. Sometimes I feel down. I feel like I was hoping that this dietary regimin would help my ADD, and I guess I have a long way to go to lose the weight, and improve my health and I haven't been perfect at it. But I wonder if I'm just fucked. I'd like to see a shrink and see if meds would help me, but I have no fucking money. Because ADD makes me a terrible money manager. I make over 50k a year, and I don't have money for gas or food. I probably paid 4-5k this year in bank overdraft fees. Why didn't I get a job this summer? I was worried that smoking pot made me lazy, but I'm just like that naturally I guess. My mom has ADD and she's worse than me- her place is a disaster area. At least I'm better than her? But she has money at least and I don't. Fuck. I've been going to this ADD group, and that helps a little. One guy talked about not having his plater sticker, and neither do I. One guy talked about being behind in toll payments, and so am I. One guy described himself as just keeping his head above water, and I totally feel like that too. My mom is alone because she can't make friends, or really can't keep them. She get suspicious of their motives, and is easily offended, and feels left out and is a martyr. She shoots her mouth off and alienates people. I don't think I do that, but I do feel isolated. People bug me sometimes. I can think of a reason to not hang out with each of my friends. I get lazy and don't keep in contact with people. I wait for them to call me and then things stagnate. I was supposed to go to lunch tomorrow with this chick I used to work with, but I'm broke, I forgot to email her and it's probably too late now, and I made plans with another friend in the meanwhile. I'll wait until the last minute tomorrow to figure out what I'll do. This sucks. I'm going into a whirlwind next week and I'm fucked. But in a way, crisis gets me going. It's like I need a disaster to get me off my ass. Sometimes I think I should work in an emergency room or a battlefield. No procrastinating then- just REACT. That I can do. That's the one part of my job I'm good at- it's the paperwork and boring stuff I lag at. What did I read somewhere- minimize paperwork to maximize success. I keep thinking of ways to get more organized. I guess I keep hoping that some new system will solve my problems. My real problem is lack of motivation. Lack of belief or vision that any of the chores I'm supposed to do will make me any happier. I just do things to avoid negative consequences, never for positive, proactive reasons. This helps me to write this though, I actually feel better right now. That's what they say about ADD'ers- they can forget bad moods and rebound, but plunge back into the depths of despair in an instant.

Day 135 Tuesday 8/21

FOOD:

bacon and eggs

dbl burger from burger king NO bun
msall side salad
10 chicken nuggets with bbq sauce

salmon- line caught

WEIGHT: 270
CAFFEINE: none
SLEEP: 11 hrs
SUN: 20 min
EXERCISE: none
BLOOD SUGAR: ?
KETONES: ?

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Been in a bad mood lately because I'm broke. This is also messing up my food intake. I was hungry and had no food at home so I had this fast food. :(

Day 134 Monday August 20

FOOD:

omega 3 eggs and bacon

grain fed steak

almonds, pistachios

WEIGHT: 270
CAFFEINE: none
SLEEP: 10 1/2 hours
SUN: none- cloudy
EXERCISE: 15 minutes on stairmaster, machine weights
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES: none

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Have a headach late night, don't know why. First day with no caffeine at all is one possible reason. Second trip to the health club this week- just started going. Using one in my neighborhood finally- it's nice!

Did a little today- procrastinated on other stuff. Knowing the crunch will come soon, and procrastination will again bedevil me more. May be making some progress towards getting a diagnosis for ADD, and more importantly, medication for it. Bought a stainless steel fry pan to replace my non stick one. No more teflon. Now I need a wok and a 2 burner griddle.

Watched football with friends today. Made more contact with friends this weekend.

Oh, and I've been playing around with OxyCalm, an oxytocin delivery nasal spray thing. Supposed to make you more sociable. Seems like it might really have a slight affect- not sure.

I need to get to bed earlier! It's midnight now. I was sleeping at sunset, but staying up late, AND sleeping almost 11 hours leaves me less time during the day to do stuff. I need to figure out a new weekly schedule for myself once I start working more.

At least I'm back at the health club. This should help me move past the 270/260 mark big time. Glad to be lifing again also. Want to make sure I don't neglect my walking too. Not sure how many times a week I should go to the health club. I don't want to burn out on it, and again, don't want to stop walking. Once winter starts I may change my mind! Of course, I do like cold weather though, so maybe not!

Day 133, Sunday August 19

FOOD:
bacon and eggs

full slab of bbq ribs
2 diet cokes
french fries

grassfed stew

WEIGHT: 267
CAFFEINE: 2 diet cokes
SLEEP: 10 hrs
SUN: none- cloudy
EXERCISE: none
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
did a few chores. Low energy today. Slight headache- had many carbs yesterday. I notice a correlation between headaches and carbs. I've been cutting down on coffee, and today is my first day with no caffeine. No headaches from it so far. I took my regular 8 cup pot I would have had in a day and split it over 4 days.
Met a friend for dinner today.

Day 132 Saturday August 18

FOOD:

Grassfed stew- meat only- made it in crockpot and it turned out well.

1/2 bbq chicken
one potato w/o skin "greek potato" with oil
1 garlic bread
cole slaw

popeyes 5 chicken tender things
bbq sauce
cajun rice
diet pop

WEIGHT: 263
CAFFEINE: small coffee, 2 diet pops
SLEEP: 10 hours
SUN:none
EXERCISE: none
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:

EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Met some old friends. Helped a buddy, he bought me lunch, I ate carbs. This is a pattern for me. If I buy my own food I eat what I want. I thought I was going low carb with the chicken choice, but didn't realize it was bbq, and the rice and potatoes came along, and I feel bad throwing out food someone else bought. I need to get over that. Also could have made better selection. Then I got carb cravings and stopped at Popeyes later. God, carbs are so totally a drug, it's hard to believe people don't see it. It's more addictive than cigarettes, alcohol, pot, coffee. And it's everywhere! Not a good day, but I didn't drink at least, and I enjoyed seeing old friends today. Not going to let myself feel bad. I'm down to 263 for heaven's sake. People comment on how good I look. Why can't I enjoy myself and let it go? Guess I'm worried about slipping and going back to being so overweight and crappy feeling.

Also, finding good stuff online about connections between insulin insensitivity, depression, and executive dysfunction. I'm doing this not as much to look better, but to improve my mood. Keeping this log is a part of that, because I reflect on how food and exercise impact my mood. I want to keep this thing up to date. Filling in info post facto is a bust, because I don't have the other half of the puzzle, how I felt that day.

Also, I've been sleeping 10 hours a day. Feeling a little bit more rested. Don't know that my mood has improved much. Going to be hard to continue this when I start working more. I am dreaming alot more. Starting to taper off caffeine. I read that cortisol, the stress hormone, is increased by coffee and alcohol. And I read that it can cause cravings for carbs, depression, anxiety and insulin insensitivity. Possible another piece of the puzzle here.

I shall return!

Well, I got out of the habit of posting here. Guess it's been about a month. I got behind, and then it's intimidating to think about filling in all the days I missed.

Screw that, I just want to get back on board here.

So, how/what have I been doing?

Well, I'm down to like 269 or so, so I've lost this last month. I have cheated a number of times however. A few times when visiting my Mom or Aunt- I guess I'm trying to hide my odd diet from them. A few times at social occasions. Twice when my friend bought me lunch for helping him move. My downfall is breaded chicken nuggets. Scenario, I am out and about, hungry, and chicken nuggets or chicken sounds good. With a diet pop. Also beans, some rice. Even a few cupcakes. But 95% of the time, grassfed meat all the way.

Well, I don't think that's good at all. I am trying to isolate things that affect my mood and losing weight is secondary really. I'm still convinced of a relationship between insulin insensitivity and ADD. I've been visiting a support group for ADD, and I really like it. Surprising number of overweight and diabetic people there. I saw a study that among grossly obese children, 60 % had ADD! Either ADD causes binging, binging causes ADD, or something else causes both. I think the root is insulin insensitivity. New studies show that occurs FIRST, and drives the person to obesity with food cravings. What causes the Insulin insensitivity?

Could it be aspartame? Could it be just sugar? Gluten? High fructose corn syrup? Could it be caffeine? I'm starting to really suspect the latter. Everything has caffeine in it. I notice that ADD'ers are big caffeine drinkers. It supposedly helps you focus. What if it's the opposite? Some studies show that caffeine restricts blood flow to the brain. 98% of children between 5 and 15 consume caffeine regularly in soft drinks, chocolate, etc. Dr. Atkins always held that caffeine contributed to insulin insensitivity. Could it be that simple? Caffeine restricts the body's absorption of zinc and magnesium. Deficiencies in both of those are associated with diabetes AND ADD!

So I'd like to continue this experiment. I've transitioned into an essentially low carb lifestyle, and it has become routine for me. Some gaps and holes, but overall pretty impressive. I want to continue, but tighten up even more. Meaning, NO fried chicken, chicken nuggets, diet pop, fast food, etc. I want to restrict vegetables and fruits especially, not so much because veges are bad, but just in the interest of isolating how diet can affect my mood, motivation, and mental clarity. Also, many veggies have salicylates, which according to Feingold could aggravate ADD. And my newest quest, NO CAFFEINE! I tried it before and it was brutal. Headaches, fatigue, and most disturbingly, loss of motor control in the morning. Stumbling and banging my head on the wall. But I intend to see this through. I quit everything else, drinking, smoking, all junk food. Time to continue this experiment.

So then, grassfed beef, oily line caught deep sea fish only. Nitrate free bacon and omega 3 eggs. And water. Flouride free, filtered water that is. Continue walking and possibly weights and stairmaster once a week. Oh, and lots of sleep in a dark room! According to a cool book I read, "lights out, sleep sugar and survival" by TS Wiley, carb hunger, fat gain and high blood sugar are controlled by long days of little sleep. So, as we go into winter, there aren't any carbs in nature anyway. Just meat and fat to burn, and long nights of sleep in the darkness. I've dark proofed my room, and started sleeping 10 hours a day. Dreaming much more, feeling rested. Still problems with motivation and getting to bed. Still depressed mood at times. Still not much of a drive to get out and meet women. Just the blahs. The sun and walking have been mood boosters, and it will be hard to match that with the end of the summer. Indoor tanning? Or just sleep away the winter like my paleolithic ancestors did?

Also, today is day 128. Four months. 308 to 268. Forty pounds weight loss. Blood pressure normalized. Haven't checked blood sugar lately, or lipid profile. Probably should do that soon as well. Another four months brings me to the cusp of Christmas. Winter solstice, the shortest day of the year. I'm going to start the numbering system back at day 1. A fresh start. A rebirth of this endeavor of mine, to change my body and my brain in unconventional ways.