FOOD:
bacon and eggs
full slab of bbq ribs
2 diet cokes
french fries
grassfed stew
WEIGHT: 267
CAFFEINE: 2 diet cokes
SLEEP: 10 hrs
SUN: none- cloudy
EXERCISE: none
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
did a few chores. Low energy today. Slight headache- had many carbs yesterday. I notice a correlation between headaches and carbs. I've been cutting down on coffee, and today is my first day with no caffeine. No headaches from it so far. I took my regular 8 cup pot I would have had in a day and split it over 4 days.
Met a friend for dinner today.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Day 132 Saturday August 18
FOOD:
Grassfed stew- meat only- made it in crockpot and it turned out well.
1/2 bbq chicken
one potato w/o skin "greek potato" with oil
1 garlic bread
cole slaw
popeyes 5 chicken tender things
bbq sauce
cajun rice
diet pop
WEIGHT: 263
CAFFEINE: small coffee, 2 diet pops
SLEEP: 10 hours
SUN:none
EXERCISE: none
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Met some old friends. Helped a buddy, he bought me lunch, I ate carbs. This is a pattern for me. If I buy my own food I eat what I want. I thought I was going low carb with the chicken choice, but didn't realize it was bbq, and the rice and potatoes came along, and I feel bad throwing out food someone else bought. I need to get over that. Also could have made better selection. Then I got carb cravings and stopped at Popeyes later. God, carbs are so totally a drug, it's hard to believe people don't see it. It's more addictive than cigarettes, alcohol, pot, coffee. And it's everywhere! Not a good day, but I didn't drink at least, and I enjoyed seeing old friends today. Not going to let myself feel bad. I'm down to 263 for heaven's sake. People comment on how good I look. Why can't I enjoy myself and let it go? Guess I'm worried about slipping and going back to being so overweight and crappy feeling.
Also, finding good stuff online about connections between insulin insensitivity, depression, and executive dysfunction. I'm doing this not as much to look better, but to improve my mood. Keeping this log is a part of that, because I reflect on how food and exercise impact my mood. I want to keep this thing up to date. Filling in info post facto is a bust, because I don't have the other half of the puzzle, how I felt that day.
Also, I've been sleeping 10 hours a day. Feeling a little bit more rested. Don't know that my mood has improved much. Going to be hard to continue this when I start working more. I am dreaming alot more. Starting to taper off caffeine. I read that cortisol, the stress hormone, is increased by coffee and alcohol. And I read that it can cause cravings for carbs, depression, anxiety and insulin insensitivity. Possible another piece of the puzzle here.
Grassfed stew- meat only- made it in crockpot and it turned out well.
1/2 bbq chicken
one potato w/o skin "greek potato" with oil
1 garlic bread
cole slaw
popeyes 5 chicken tender things
bbq sauce
cajun rice
diet pop
WEIGHT: 263
CAFFEINE: small coffee, 2 diet pops
SLEEP: 10 hours
SUN:none
EXERCISE: none
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Met some old friends. Helped a buddy, he bought me lunch, I ate carbs. This is a pattern for me. If I buy my own food I eat what I want. I thought I was going low carb with the chicken choice, but didn't realize it was bbq, and the rice and potatoes came along, and I feel bad throwing out food someone else bought. I need to get over that. Also could have made better selection. Then I got carb cravings and stopped at Popeyes later. God, carbs are so totally a drug, it's hard to believe people don't see it. It's more addictive than cigarettes, alcohol, pot, coffee. And it's everywhere! Not a good day, but I didn't drink at least, and I enjoyed seeing old friends today. Not going to let myself feel bad. I'm down to 263 for heaven's sake. People comment on how good I look. Why can't I enjoy myself and let it go? Guess I'm worried about slipping and going back to being so overweight and crappy feeling.
Also, finding good stuff online about connections between insulin insensitivity, depression, and executive dysfunction. I'm doing this not as much to look better, but to improve my mood. Keeping this log is a part of that, because I reflect on how food and exercise impact my mood. I want to keep this thing up to date. Filling in info post facto is a bust, because I don't have the other half of the puzzle, how I felt that day.
Also, I've been sleeping 10 hours a day. Feeling a little bit more rested. Don't know that my mood has improved much. Going to be hard to continue this when I start working more. I am dreaming alot more. Starting to taper off caffeine. I read that cortisol, the stress hormone, is increased by coffee and alcohol. And I read that it can cause cravings for carbs, depression, anxiety and insulin insensitivity. Possible another piece of the puzzle here.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
I shall return!
Well, I got out of the habit of posting here. Guess it's been about a month. I got behind, and then it's intimidating to think about filling in all the days I missed.
Screw that, I just want to get back on board here.
So, how/what have I been doing?
Well, I'm down to like 269 or so, so I've lost this last month. I have cheated a number of times however. A few times when visiting my Mom or Aunt- I guess I'm trying to hide my odd diet from them. A few times at social occasions. Twice when my friend bought me lunch for helping him move. My downfall is breaded chicken nuggets. Scenario, I am out and about, hungry, and chicken nuggets or chicken sounds good. With a diet pop. Also beans, some rice. Even a few cupcakes. But 95% of the time, grassfed meat all the way.
Well, I don't think that's good at all. I am trying to isolate things that affect my mood and losing weight is secondary really. I'm still convinced of a relationship between insulin insensitivity and ADD. I've been visiting a support group for ADD, and I really like it. Surprising number of overweight and diabetic people there. I saw a study that among grossly obese children, 60 % had ADD! Either ADD causes binging, binging causes ADD, or something else causes both. I think the root is insulin insensitivity. New studies show that occurs FIRST, and drives the person to obesity with food cravings. What causes the Insulin insensitivity?
Could it be aspartame? Could it be just sugar? Gluten? High fructose corn syrup? Could it be caffeine? I'm starting to really suspect the latter. Everything has caffeine in it. I notice that ADD'ers are big caffeine drinkers. It supposedly helps you focus. What if it's the opposite? Some studies show that caffeine restricts blood flow to the brain. 98% of children between 5 and 15 consume caffeine regularly in soft drinks, chocolate, etc. Dr. Atkins always held that caffeine contributed to insulin insensitivity. Could it be that simple? Caffeine restricts the body's absorption of zinc and magnesium. Deficiencies in both of those are associated with diabetes AND ADD!
So I'd like to continue this experiment. I've transitioned into an essentially low carb lifestyle, and it has become routine for me. Some gaps and holes, but overall pretty impressive. I want to continue, but tighten up even more. Meaning, NO fried chicken, chicken nuggets, diet pop, fast food, etc. I want to restrict vegetables and fruits especially, not so much because veges are bad, but just in the interest of isolating how diet can affect my mood, motivation, and mental clarity. Also, many veggies have salicylates, which according to Feingold could aggravate ADD. And my newest quest, NO CAFFEINE! I tried it before and it was brutal. Headaches, fatigue, and most disturbingly, loss of motor control in the morning. Stumbling and banging my head on the wall. But I intend to see this through. I quit everything else, drinking, smoking, all junk food. Time to continue this experiment.
So then, grassfed beef, oily line caught deep sea fish only. Nitrate free bacon and omega 3 eggs. And water. Flouride free, filtered water that is. Continue walking and possibly weights and stairmaster once a week. Oh, and lots of sleep in a dark room! According to a cool book I read, "lights out, sleep sugar and survival" by TS Wiley, carb hunger, fat gain and high blood sugar are controlled by long days of little sleep. So, as we go into winter, there aren't any carbs in nature anyway. Just meat and fat to burn, and long nights of sleep in the darkness. I've dark proofed my room, and started sleeping 10 hours a day. Dreaming much more, feeling rested. Still problems with motivation and getting to bed. Still depressed mood at times. Still not much of a drive to get out and meet women. Just the blahs. The sun and walking have been mood boosters, and it will be hard to match that with the end of the summer. Indoor tanning? Or just sleep away the winter like my paleolithic ancestors did?
Also, today is day 128. Four months. 308 to 268. Forty pounds weight loss. Blood pressure normalized. Haven't checked blood sugar lately, or lipid profile. Probably should do that soon as well. Another four months brings me to the cusp of Christmas. Winter solstice, the shortest day of the year. I'm going to start the numbering system back at day 1. A fresh start. A rebirth of this endeavor of mine, to change my body and my brain in unconventional ways.
Screw that, I just want to get back on board here.
So, how/what have I been doing?
Well, I'm down to like 269 or so, so I've lost this last month. I have cheated a number of times however. A few times when visiting my Mom or Aunt- I guess I'm trying to hide my odd diet from them. A few times at social occasions. Twice when my friend bought me lunch for helping him move. My downfall is breaded chicken nuggets. Scenario, I am out and about, hungry, and chicken nuggets or chicken sounds good. With a diet pop. Also beans, some rice. Even a few cupcakes. But 95% of the time, grassfed meat all the way.
Well, I don't think that's good at all. I am trying to isolate things that affect my mood and losing weight is secondary really. I'm still convinced of a relationship between insulin insensitivity and ADD. I've been visiting a support group for ADD, and I really like it. Surprising number of overweight and diabetic people there. I saw a study that among grossly obese children, 60 % had ADD! Either ADD causes binging, binging causes ADD, or something else causes both. I think the root is insulin insensitivity. New studies show that occurs FIRST, and drives the person to obesity with food cravings. What causes the Insulin insensitivity?
Could it be aspartame? Could it be just sugar? Gluten? High fructose corn syrup? Could it be caffeine? I'm starting to really suspect the latter. Everything has caffeine in it. I notice that ADD'ers are big caffeine drinkers. It supposedly helps you focus. What if it's the opposite? Some studies show that caffeine restricts blood flow to the brain. 98% of children between 5 and 15 consume caffeine regularly in soft drinks, chocolate, etc. Dr. Atkins always held that caffeine contributed to insulin insensitivity. Could it be that simple? Caffeine restricts the body's absorption of zinc and magnesium. Deficiencies in both of those are associated with diabetes AND ADD!
So I'd like to continue this experiment. I've transitioned into an essentially low carb lifestyle, and it has become routine for me. Some gaps and holes, but overall pretty impressive. I want to continue, but tighten up even more. Meaning, NO fried chicken, chicken nuggets, diet pop, fast food, etc. I want to restrict vegetables and fruits especially, not so much because veges are bad, but just in the interest of isolating how diet can affect my mood, motivation, and mental clarity. Also, many veggies have salicylates, which according to Feingold could aggravate ADD. And my newest quest, NO CAFFEINE! I tried it before and it was brutal. Headaches, fatigue, and most disturbingly, loss of motor control in the morning. Stumbling and banging my head on the wall. But I intend to see this through. I quit everything else, drinking, smoking, all junk food. Time to continue this experiment.
So then, grassfed beef, oily line caught deep sea fish only. Nitrate free bacon and omega 3 eggs. And water. Flouride free, filtered water that is. Continue walking and possibly weights and stairmaster once a week. Oh, and lots of sleep in a dark room! According to a cool book I read, "lights out, sleep sugar and survival" by TS Wiley, carb hunger, fat gain and high blood sugar are controlled by long days of little sleep. So, as we go into winter, there aren't any carbs in nature anyway. Just meat and fat to burn, and long nights of sleep in the darkness. I've dark proofed my room, and started sleeping 10 hours a day. Dreaming much more, feeling rested. Still problems with motivation and getting to bed. Still depressed mood at times. Still not much of a drive to get out and meet women. Just the blahs. The sun and walking have been mood boosters, and it will be hard to match that with the end of the summer. Indoor tanning? Or just sleep away the winter like my paleolithic ancestors did?
Also, today is day 128. Four months. 308 to 268. Forty pounds weight loss. Blood pressure normalized. Haven't checked blood sugar lately, or lipid profile. Probably should do that soon as well. Another four months brings me to the cusp of Christmas. Winter solstice, the shortest day of the year. I'm going to start the numbering system back at day 1. A fresh start. A rebirth of this endeavor of mine, to change my body and my brain in unconventional ways.
Monday, July 9, 2007
I dig up old weight and blood profile data on myself- SHOCKING!
YEAR AGE WEIGHT COMMENTS
1968
1969 1
1970 2
1971 3
1972 4
1973 5 44 lbs height 46"
1974 6
1975 7
1976 8 ate TONS of ding dongs, ho ho's, pop, pasta, carbs as a kid!
1977 9
1978 10 82lbs height 57"
1979 11
1980 12
1981 13 130 height 65" Started high school- getting a little pudgy
1982 14
1983 15
1984 16 163
1985 17 193 started lifting weights- self esteem boost - grad high school
1986 18 drank lots of beer in college. had a few periods where I lifted weights
1987 19
1988 20
1989 21 205?
1990 22 210 became vegetarian-2 years graduated college
1991 23 236 became vegetarian-2 years Cholesterol 160 HDL too low
1992 24 260 I gained 50 pounds going vegetarian!
1993 25 245 exercising more, lost a little, jogged/stairs, cardio
1994 26 270
1995 27 280 july-Cholesterol 198 Triglyceride 150
1996 28 305 Remember thinking "if I ever hit 300 lbs. I'll quit eating!" Didn't do that though!
1997 29 315? Oct 97-pre weight loss doctor test results Cholesterol 171, HDL low 30 Triglyceride 156
saw weight loss doctor- medications, SSRI, low carb, lost weight (20-40 lbs?). Over time, medication less effective, and I dropped off. Should have realized the low carb is what was losing the weight, not the medication!
1998 30
1999 31
2000 32 gaining weight in these years
2001 33
2002 34 My highest weight? Don't know- stopped weighing myself
2003 35 Cholesterol 167, HDL 23 (ratio 7.3- BAD!) Triglycerides 131 (uric acid high, iron is low)
2004 36 360-down to 336 in june/july doing Atkins /lost weight on atkins over a month or two, then met my girlfriend. Went off low carb, gained back weight because new girlfriend talked me out of Atkins!
2005 37 336-360? gained back weight I lost. Don't know my highest weight
2006 38 360?-307 lost on atkins/paleo, estimated. Doctor's visit in spring- test results - blood profile not too bad, but blood sugar 134. Over 126 is indicative of diabetes. Also, blood pressure too high. Kind of blew this off, but started reading more about diabetes, and realized how serious this blood sugar reading was. Bought a meter, and started testing myself, and realized my blood sugar could be WAY higher! Sometimes it was over 200! In October I started back on Atkins and started walking every day. Lost weight and improved blood sugar big time. Went back to doctor 3 months later, and things had improved. I went from 338-307 in 2 months. I then got lazy again until April of 2007. I actually gained back 10 lbs between december 06 and april 07.
2007 39 340-277 lost on atkins/paleo, Period Nov 2006-July 2007.
From April 1-July 8, went from 318-277, doing my most paleo diet yet, and walking.
Weigh less now than I have in 12 years!
====
It is believed that the triglycerides/HDL ratio is one of the most potent predictors of heart disease. It is generally considered that if this number is below 2 the person is generally at a low risk of heart disease. So, the lower your triglycerides, or the higher your HDL, the smaller this ratio becomes.
=====
Some physicians and cholesterol technicians use the ratio of total cholesterol to HDL cholesterol in place of the total blood cholesterol. The ratio is obtained by dividing the HDL cholesterol level into the total cholesterol. For example, if a person has a total cholesterol of 200 mg/dL and an HDL cholesterol level of 50 mg/dL, the ratio would be 4:1. The goal is to keep the ratio below 5:1; the optimum ratio is 3.5:1.
=====
HDL levels have an inverse relationship with coronary heart disease. The ability of HDL to predict the development of coronary atherosclerosis has been estimated to be four times greater than LDL and eight times greater than TC. Treatment is recommended for those with a HDL level below 40 mg/dL. An HDL of 60 mg/dL is considered protection against heart disease.
====
Ratio of total Cholesterol to HDL
Risk Men Women
Very low (1/2 average) <3.4 <3.3
Low risk 4.0 3.8
Average risk 5.0 4.5
Moderate risk (2x average) 9.5 7.0
High risk (3x risk) >23 >11
=====
The two most important are the HDL/Cholesterol and Triglyceride/HDL ratios. Generally the HDL ratio should be above 25 and preferably in the 30s. If it is in the 40s, that nearly guarantees immunity from heart disease. Whereas if it is below 15, and certainly below 10, a heart attack is inevitable. To calculate the ratio simply divide your TOTAL cholesterol by your HDL and multiply by 100 (move the decimal point over two places to the right). It is just a matter of when, not if, it will happen. The triglyceride ratio should be below 2.0.
I think he means divide HDL by total cholesterol?
===
Protective Warning
Total Cholesterol / HDL Less than 4.2 4.3 and higher
======
Triglycerides
Less than 150 mg/dL Normal
150 - 199 mg/dL Borderline
200 - 499 mg/Dl High
More than 500 mg/Dl Very high
1968
1969 1
1970 2
1971 3
1972 4
1973 5 44 lbs height 46"
1974 6
1975 7
1976 8 ate TONS of ding dongs, ho ho's, pop, pasta, carbs as a kid!
1977 9
1978 10 82lbs height 57"
1979 11
1980 12
1981 13 130 height 65" Started high school- getting a little pudgy
1982 14
1983 15
1984 16 163
1985 17 193 started lifting weights- self esteem boost - grad high school
1986 18 drank lots of beer in college. had a few periods where I lifted weights
1987 19
1988 20
1989 21 205?
1990 22 210 became vegetarian-2 years graduated college
1991 23 236 became vegetarian-2 years Cholesterol 160 HDL too low
1992 24 260 I gained 50 pounds going vegetarian!
1993 25 245 exercising more, lost a little, jogged/stairs, cardio
1994 26 270
1995 27 280 july-Cholesterol 198 Triglyceride 150
1996 28 305 Remember thinking "if I ever hit 300 lbs. I'll quit eating!" Didn't do that though!
1997 29 315? Oct 97-pre weight loss doctor test results Cholesterol 171, HDL low 30 Triglyceride 156
saw weight loss doctor- medications, SSRI, low carb, lost weight (20-40 lbs?). Over time, medication less effective, and I dropped off. Should have realized the low carb is what was losing the weight, not the medication!
1998 30
1999 31
2000 32 gaining weight in these years
2001 33
2002 34 My highest weight? Don't know- stopped weighing myself
2003 35 Cholesterol 167, HDL 23 (ratio 7.3- BAD!) Triglycerides 131 (uric acid high, iron is low)
2004 36 360-down to 336 in june/july doing Atkins /lost weight on atkins over a month or two, then met my girlfriend. Went off low carb, gained back weight because new girlfriend talked me out of Atkins!
2005 37 336-360? gained back weight I lost. Don't know my highest weight
2006 38 360?-307 lost on atkins/paleo, estimated. Doctor's visit in spring- test results - blood profile not too bad, but blood sugar 134. Over 126 is indicative of diabetes. Also, blood pressure too high. Kind of blew this off, but started reading more about diabetes, and realized how serious this blood sugar reading was. Bought a meter, and started testing myself, and realized my blood sugar could be WAY higher! Sometimes it was over 200! In October I started back on Atkins and started walking every day. Lost weight and improved blood sugar big time. Went back to doctor 3 months later, and things had improved. I went from 338-307 in 2 months. I then got lazy again until April of 2007. I actually gained back 10 lbs between december 06 and april 07.
2007 39 340-277 lost on atkins/paleo, Period Nov 2006-July 2007.
From April 1-July 8, went from 318-277, doing my most paleo diet yet, and walking.
Weigh less now than I have in 12 years!
====
It is believed that the triglycerides/HDL ratio is one of the most potent predictors of heart disease. It is generally considered that if this number is below 2 the person is generally at a low risk of heart disease. So, the lower your triglycerides, or the higher your HDL, the smaller this ratio becomes.
=====
Some physicians and cholesterol technicians use the ratio of total cholesterol to HDL cholesterol in place of the total blood cholesterol. The ratio is obtained by dividing the HDL cholesterol level into the total cholesterol. For example, if a person has a total cholesterol of 200 mg/dL and an HDL cholesterol level of 50 mg/dL, the ratio would be 4:1. The goal is to keep the ratio below 5:1; the optimum ratio is 3.5:1.
=====
HDL levels have an inverse relationship with coronary heart disease. The ability of HDL to predict the development of coronary atherosclerosis has been estimated to be four times greater than LDL and eight times greater than TC. Treatment is recommended for those with a HDL level below 40 mg/dL. An HDL of 60 mg/dL is considered protection against heart disease.
====
Ratio of total Cholesterol to HDL
Risk Men Women
Very low (1/2 average) <3.4 <3.3
Low risk 4.0 3.8
Average risk 5.0 4.5
Moderate risk (2x average) 9.5 7.0
High risk (3x risk) >23 >11
=====
The two most important are the HDL/Cholesterol and Triglyceride/HDL ratios. Generally the HDL ratio should be above 25 and preferably in the 30s. If it is in the 40s, that nearly guarantees immunity from heart disease. Whereas if it is below 15, and certainly below 10, a heart attack is inevitable. To calculate the ratio simply divide your TOTAL cholesterol by your HDL and multiply by 100 (move the decimal point over two places to the right). It is just a matter of when, not if, it will happen. The triglyceride ratio should be below 2.0.
I think he means divide HDL by total cholesterol?
===
Protective Warning
Total Cholesterol / HDL Less than 4.2 4.3 and higher
======
Triglycerides
Less than 150 mg/dL Normal
150 - 199 mg/dL Borderline
200 - 499 mg/Dl High
More than 500 mg/Dl Very high
Day 92 Monday July 9
FOOD:
Breakfast:
bacon and eggs
Lunch:
grassfed stew
Dinner:
grassfed beef
EXERCISE: walk
WEIGHT: 278
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
stayed up until 1AM, woke at noon. Cat woke me up. Maybe I should record my sleeping hours and try to get a handle on what's going on.
Breakfast:
bacon and eggs
Lunch:
grassfed stew
Dinner:
grassfed beef
EXERCISE: walk
WEIGHT: 278
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
stayed up until 1AM, woke at noon. Cat woke me up. Maybe I should record my sleeping hours and try to get a handle on what's going on.
12 lies of marijuana
From a Marijuana Anonymous newsletter Jan 2007, written by Jeff.
www.marijuana-anonymous.org
I wrote this one evening after a meeting, based on a revelation that came from something that was shared. It started me thinking about how I’d lived in a world of lies and was never able to access my emotional truth while I was smoking pot. It’s important to note that, while these are called The Twelve Marijuana Lies, pot never lied to me. It’s a plant; it grows in a field or just sits there in a bag on my coffee table. The lies were created by me and my illness. It wasn’t until I’d taken the time to step back and look at my life objectively that I was able to identify the lies for what they are and to make adjustments in a healthier way. So here they are, in no particular order.
1. You can’t get addicted to pot.
Many people feel, and studies have shown, that you cannot become physically addicted to pot as you can with alcohol, heroin, cigarettes, coffee, or chocolate cake. But most people don’t understand the insidious nature of addiction. It will overtake someone who has an addictive personality by going through the path of least resistance.
2. Smoking marijuana will make you more creative.
This is quite possibly the most dangerous of all the lies listed here. People who are creative by nature (though not exclusively them) become drawn to pot because they feel that it allows them to get in touch with their creative side. This may even be true on some occasions, but that’s mere coincidence. Remember that you always were creative, and that you always had creative abilities within you. You can have creative inspiration without having to smoke pot.
3. Smoking marijuana will help lower your inhibitions.
Smoking pot raised my anxiety and inhibitions to new heights, or, rather, new depths. The loss of control just made me anxious, even around my closest friends. Ultimately, I didn’t like to get high and be around people, so I came to believe that people were the problem, not the pot. I took people out of my life and kept smoking pot, always by myself and in a way that made me more and more isolated from others. My inhibitions could not have been higher.
4. You’ll make friends and meet cool people when you’ve got pot.
You will meet other potheads, thieves, con artists, dope dealers, insufferable flakes, and a lot of other types of people you’d never associate with otherwise, just because they smoke pot. You’ll wait for hours in unsavory places waiting to score. You’ll talk and laugh about things that are neither interesting nor funny. You’ll sacrifice your integrity just to be in with these people and to support your addiction.
5. Smoking pot will help you “see God.”
Yeah, whatever that means. Pot will actually help drive a wedge between you and your spiritual self. You will think that the effects of marijuana are some form of spiritual awakening, but it’s just the pot. Ending your dependency on pot will allow you to open yourself to the possibility that there is someone or something that is greater than you, and that only that Higher Power can help take away your need for pot and restore your life to sanity.
6. Smoking pot makes you feel good.
I admit, I felt real good knowing I was home and I could shut the door, load up the bong, and go into my own world. I felt good touching it, smelling it, preparing it. But once I was stoned, I felt regret over what I’d done. I wished I hadn’t gotten high because I knew I was just going back into old behavior again.
7. Pot is a great thing to bring to a party.
Pot is a terrible thing to bring to a party. Once everyone’s stoned they tend to just sit there and go into their own minds, without saying much or interacting with each other because they’re too wasted. There’s no interaction, no meaningful dialog, just people sitting around being stoned.
8. Getting high helps you appreciate music, art, sex, etc. more.
You name it, pot can enhance it. That’s what I always heard. As it turns out, I’ve been able to enjoy all of those things just as much without pot as with. So if taking away the pot doesn’t change your ability to enjoy things, you never needed it in the first place.
9. The local cops won’t bust you if you just have a little pot on you.
This may be true in some locales, but why chance it? The police can decide to let you go, or they can turn your life upside down for simple possession. Do you want to have to explain that to friends, family, future employers, and college admissions?
10. Everyone’s doing it.
No, not everyone. Just the stoners like me, who were the only people I chose to hang around with. I’d turned my back on people who’ve tried to help me or reach out to me, all because they didn’t share my craving for marijuana. It’s a shame, because they were nice people who really cared about me, but I cared more about the pot.
11. It won’t give you lung cancer like cigarettes will.
OK, I’m no doctor, but burning leaves that you inhale into your lungs and hold for as long as you can isn’t good for your health. I guess that there haven’t been enough studies done on this, so the jury is still out. In the meantime, why engage in risky behavior?
12. I’ve always been a pot smoker; it’s a part of who I am.
No, it isn’t. One day I made a conscious choice to change who I really was and become a stoner. I thought being a “head” appealed to me, that the world of erudite free-thinking pot smokers was the life for me. Once I learned that I had actually made a lifestyle choice around pot, it became easier to make another lifestyle choice to be clean and sober.
www.marijuana-anonymous.org
I wrote this one evening after a meeting, based on a revelation that came from something that was shared. It started me thinking about how I’d lived in a world of lies and was never able to access my emotional truth while I was smoking pot. It’s important to note that, while these are called The Twelve Marijuana Lies, pot never lied to me. It’s a plant; it grows in a field or just sits there in a bag on my coffee table. The lies were created by me and my illness. It wasn’t until I’d taken the time to step back and look at my life objectively that I was able to identify the lies for what they are and to make adjustments in a healthier way. So here they are, in no particular order.
1. You can’t get addicted to pot.
Many people feel, and studies have shown, that you cannot become physically addicted to pot as you can with alcohol, heroin, cigarettes, coffee, or chocolate cake. But most people don’t understand the insidious nature of addiction. It will overtake someone who has an addictive personality by going through the path of least resistance.
2. Smoking marijuana will make you more creative.
This is quite possibly the most dangerous of all the lies listed here. People who are creative by nature (though not exclusively them) become drawn to pot because they feel that it allows them to get in touch with their creative side. This may even be true on some occasions, but that’s mere coincidence. Remember that you always were creative, and that you always had creative abilities within you. You can have creative inspiration without having to smoke pot.
3. Smoking marijuana will help lower your inhibitions.
Smoking pot raised my anxiety and inhibitions to new heights, or, rather, new depths. The loss of control just made me anxious, even around my closest friends. Ultimately, I didn’t like to get high and be around people, so I came to believe that people were the problem, not the pot. I took people out of my life and kept smoking pot, always by myself and in a way that made me more and more isolated from others. My inhibitions could not have been higher.
4. You’ll make friends and meet cool people when you’ve got pot.
You will meet other potheads, thieves, con artists, dope dealers, insufferable flakes, and a lot of other types of people you’d never associate with otherwise, just because they smoke pot. You’ll wait for hours in unsavory places waiting to score. You’ll talk and laugh about things that are neither interesting nor funny. You’ll sacrifice your integrity just to be in with these people and to support your addiction.
5. Smoking pot will help you “see God.”
Yeah, whatever that means. Pot will actually help drive a wedge between you and your spiritual self. You will think that the effects of marijuana are some form of spiritual awakening, but it’s just the pot. Ending your dependency on pot will allow you to open yourself to the possibility that there is someone or something that is greater than you, and that only that Higher Power can help take away your need for pot and restore your life to sanity.
6. Smoking pot makes you feel good.
I admit, I felt real good knowing I was home and I could shut the door, load up the bong, and go into my own world. I felt good touching it, smelling it, preparing it. But once I was stoned, I felt regret over what I’d done. I wished I hadn’t gotten high because I knew I was just going back into old behavior again.
7. Pot is a great thing to bring to a party.
Pot is a terrible thing to bring to a party. Once everyone’s stoned they tend to just sit there and go into their own minds, without saying much or interacting with each other because they’re too wasted. There’s no interaction, no meaningful dialog, just people sitting around being stoned.
8. Getting high helps you appreciate music, art, sex, etc. more.
You name it, pot can enhance it. That’s what I always heard. As it turns out, I’ve been able to enjoy all of those things just as much without pot as with. So if taking away the pot doesn’t change your ability to enjoy things, you never needed it in the first place.
9. The local cops won’t bust you if you just have a little pot on you.
This may be true in some locales, but why chance it? The police can decide to let you go, or they can turn your life upside down for simple possession. Do you want to have to explain that to friends, family, future employers, and college admissions?
10. Everyone’s doing it.
No, not everyone. Just the stoners like me, who were the only people I chose to hang around with. I’d turned my back on people who’ve tried to help me or reach out to me, all because they didn’t share my craving for marijuana. It’s a shame, because they were nice people who really cared about me, but I cared more about the pot.
11. It won’t give you lung cancer like cigarettes will.
OK, I’m no doctor, but burning leaves that you inhale into your lungs and hold for as long as you can isn’t good for your health. I guess that there haven’t been enough studies done on this, so the jury is still out. In the meantime, why engage in risky behavior?
12. I’ve always been a pot smoker; it’s a part of who I am.
No, it isn’t. One day I made a conscious choice to change who I really was and become a stoner. I thought being a “head” appealed to me, that the world of erudite free-thinking pot smokers was the life for me. Once I learned that I had actually made a lifestyle choice around pot, it became easier to make another lifestyle choice to be clean and sober.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Day 91 Sunday July 8
FOOD:
Breakfast:
mcdonalds breaded chicken tenders, with bbq sauce
Didn't have bacon at home- nothing to eat and I was in a hurry to meet a friend. Need to stay prepared, because the fast food options are all pretty bad. Or have a salad and a burger patty, instead of breaded stuff with a sweet sauce.
Dinner:
burrito and taco- no tortillas. I find it fascinating how eating this meal makes me feel full, but in the old days when I ate carbs it wouldn't have, even with rice and beans.
EXERCISE: none- stayed out of sun a little bit too, feeling warmth in my skin- don't want to burn.
WEIGHT: 278
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Speaking of rice and beans, when I was in my early 20's I went vegetarian for two years. My grandmother died of diabetes, and I decided that the way to prevent myself from getting diabetes was to give up meat. I ate huge plates of rice and beans, and was always hungry for more. I dug out some old weight data, and pieced it together, and realized that going vegetarian really kicked off my weight gain. I think I gained 40 pounds over those two years. I'll put this old data in a post, it's very interesting.
In an okay mood. Think my mood overall has improved since I started doing this. No improvement with the sleep cycles though.
Breakfast:
mcdonalds breaded chicken tenders, with bbq sauce
Didn't have bacon at home- nothing to eat and I was in a hurry to meet a friend. Need to stay prepared, because the fast food options are all pretty bad. Or have a salad and a burger patty, instead of breaded stuff with a sweet sauce.
Dinner:
burrito and taco- no tortillas. I find it fascinating how eating this meal makes me feel full, but in the old days when I ate carbs it wouldn't have, even with rice and beans.
EXERCISE: none- stayed out of sun a little bit too, feeling warmth in my skin- don't want to burn.
WEIGHT: 278
BLOOD SUGAR:
KETONES:
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS:
Speaking of rice and beans, when I was in my early 20's I went vegetarian for two years. My grandmother died of diabetes, and I decided that the way to prevent myself from getting diabetes was to give up meat. I ate huge plates of rice and beans, and was always hungry for more. I dug out some old weight data, and pieced it together, and realized that going vegetarian really kicked off my weight gain. I think I gained 40 pounds over those two years. I'll put this old data in a post, it's very interesting.
In an okay mood. Think my mood overall has improved since I started doing this. No improvement with the sleep cycles though.
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