FOOD
1 lb rib meat no sauce
2 lg coffees
3 burgers, 2 with cheese (no bread)
and ketchup
diet pop
1 1/2 pork chops with bbq sauce
lots of chocolate cake
sesame chicken
rice
teriyaki beef
(too full, but forced myself to eat this "treat", because I'm going to get stricter in my diet tomorrow. Stupid diet mentality)
WEIGHT 285
CAFFEINE lots
SLEEP 9 hours?
SUN
EXERCISE
BLOOD SUGAR
KETONES
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS
Hang with friends. Nice time. Spent time in woods. Meditated for 5 minutes. Want to start meditating, and I certainly did that. Nice to be outside.
I always find myself in the woods, trying to relax and get a "green dose", and all I do is obsess on chores. Sometimes I realize that all my chores are stupid. Most are things I could do, only a few are vital, and they aren't done because they're paperwork and I could probably do all of them in a few days if I had more motivation and money (bills are a chore category that stumps me duet to lack of funds sometimes. You need money to get stuff done. Without money many chores can't possibly get done anyway.)
None of these chores are really goals, or real projects. Things I want to achieve. Things that I want to do, or have a good payoff I can visualize. Just stuff I could do, or stuff I should do. Nothing I want to do. Chore mentality. When it comes to what I want to do I can't decide, and don't have drive. Well, sun's going down, time to leave the woods, with nothing settled. Too bad I couldn't just enjoy the trip to the woods in its own right. It was a venue to solve problems I didn't solve anyway.
Blah.
Okay day, still, anyway. Stayed up too late though.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Day 170 Tuesday September 25
FOOD bacon and eggs
No lunch
5 ounces of liver
2 cups of baked beans
Seven crackers, some cheese and salami
WEIGHT 253
CAFFEINE 8 cups coffee, with heavy whipping cream
SLEEP 10 HRS
SUN
EXERCISE walk for 1 hour
BLOOD SUGAR
KETONES
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS
So, today wasn't such a bad day really. I was pretty busy at work but at least now I know what's going on and I'm starting to get things rolling. mood was fairly good. I'm sure that eating fewer carbohydrates yesterday has made an improvement in my mood today. Actually, I didn't eat anything yesterday at all and I felt pretty good. I found another bottle of ketostix today. So I did it yesterday and had no ketones at all last night. I had a lot of carbohydrates on Sunday, so that's why.
I was busy all day today, but, when it's busy at least I know what I should be doing and although it's frustrating at times I feel more productive. I'm not sitting there thinking of projects I could be doing and be unable to decide which one to start. I've said it before, but it seems as that when I'm under the gun the adrenaline makes it easier for me to decide what I should be doing, and to get started on doing it. I guess that's why I always end up procrastinating on things until the very last minute when it becomes a crisis and then I become motivated to actually do it. Sometimes that really pisses me off.
No lunch
5 ounces of liver
2 cups of baked beans
Seven crackers, some cheese and salami
WEIGHT 253
CAFFEINE 8 cups coffee, with heavy whipping cream
SLEEP 10 HRS
SUN
EXERCISE walk for 1 hour
BLOOD SUGAR
KETONES
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS
So, today wasn't such a bad day really. I was pretty busy at work but at least now I know what's going on and I'm starting to get things rolling. mood was fairly good. I'm sure that eating fewer carbohydrates yesterday has made an improvement in my mood today. Actually, I didn't eat anything yesterday at all and I felt pretty good. I found another bottle of ketostix today. So I did it yesterday and had no ketones at all last night. I had a lot of carbohydrates on Sunday, so that's why.
I was busy all day today, but, when it's busy at least I know what I should be doing and although it's frustrating at times I feel more productive. I'm not sitting there thinking of projects I could be doing and be unable to decide which one to start. I've said it before, but it seems as that when I'm under the gun the adrenaline makes it easier for me to decide what I should be doing, and to get started on doing it. I guess that's why I always end up procrastinating on things until the very last minute when it becomes a crisis and then I become motivated to actually do it. Sometimes that really pisses me off.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Day 169 Monday September 24th
FOOD
I didn't eat anything today. I had a lot of carbs yesterday.
WEIGHT 255
CAFFEINE two super large coffees, coffee lunch
SLEEP about 9 hours I think
SUN
EXERCISE
BLOOD SUGAR
KETONES none at all
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS
Pretty crazy. I had so many carbs yesterday even though I didn't eat anything today, when I did the ketostix I had a negative result.
I was in an OK mood today. Busy day, started with my new department, but getting enough sleep, and low carbing, really seem to help.
Also, today in the morning I took a phentermine tablet. It's an energy booster for sure.
I didn't eat anything today. I had a lot of carbs yesterday.
WEIGHT 255
CAFFEINE two super large coffees, coffee lunch
SLEEP about 9 hours I think
SUN
EXERCISE
BLOOD SUGAR
KETONES none at all
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS
Pretty crazy. I had so many carbs yesterday even though I didn't eat anything today, when I did the ketostix I had a negative result.
I was in an OK mood today. Busy day, started with my new department, but getting enough sleep, and low carbing, really seem to help.
Also, today in the morning I took a phentermine tablet. It's an energy booster for sure.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
BAAD rating scale for ADD
BROWN ATTENTION-ACTIVATION DISORDER (BAAD) SCALE
Found this on Dr-Bob message board. rating scale is from Dr. Thomas E. Brown, who has a site at drthomasebrown.com
BROWN ATTENTION-ACTIVATION DISORDER (BAAD) SCALE
(Note: in this report the term ADD-H is used to signify "Attention Deficit Disorder WITHOUT Hyperactivity")
The AAD (Attention Activation Disorder) construct includes problems in the following areas:
Activating and organizing to work
Sustaining attention and concentration
Sustaining energy and effort
Irritability, depressed mood, rejection sensitivity Activating recall of aims and learned information
"Bright children and adolescents who suffer from attention deficit disorder are at a special risk of having their ADD problems go unrecognized and untreated. Within a pattern of under-achievement, their natural intellectual abilities produce intermittent successes which can mask ADD problems, especially if the person is not hyperactive. This study involved a population of high-IQ children, adolescents, and adults who were underachieving and had symptoms of ADD-H.
Research by Lahey et al. (1988) has shown that Attention Deficit Disorder is not unidimensional and that a subgroup of ADD patients exhibits a pattern of inattention and sluggish tempo WITHOUT hyperactivity. Barkley (1990) has demonstrated that this subgroup also shows less aggression, impulsivity, and overactivity at home and at school, and more of a problem with memory, perceptual-motor speed, and central processing speed. Barkley has suggested that the symptoms of ADD-H are sufficiently different from those of ADHD to warrant considering these as two separate and unique disorders, rather than as subtypes of a single attention disturbance."
ACTIVATING AND ORGANIZING TO WORK
- Has difficulty getting started on tasks; e.g., homework,
reports.
- Feels overwhelmed; e.g., "No way I can do this now" by tasks
which should be managable.
- When first presented with many things to do, has difficulty
deciding which to do first and then getting started.
- Procrastinates excessively; keeps putting things off.
- Slow to react or get started; sluggish, slow moving, doesn't
just jump into things.
- Excessively perfectionist; has to get things "just so." - Sleeps very soundly; hard to wake up in the morning.
- Appears apathetic or unmotivated.
- Misunderstands directions for assignments or tasks.
SUSTAINING ATTENTION AND CONCENTRATION
- When trying to pay attention to someone, e.g., class or
conversation, mind drifts off and briefly loses focus.
- Involuntary "spacing out" occurs intermittently when reading
or listening.
- Easily sidetracked; disrupts a task in progress and switches
to doing something else without any reason.
- When reading, loses track of what has just been read, so needs
to read it again.
- Easily loses track of the main point in reading books,
magazines, and newspapers.
- Gets lost in daydreaming, preoccupied with own thoughts.
- Easily distracted from a task by background noise or activities;
needs to check out whatever else is going on.
- Stares into space; seems "out of it." - Does not appear to be listening even when it is important
to do so.
SUSTAINING ENERGY AND EFFORT
- Feels sleepy or fatigued, even after having had adequate sleep.
- Unable to complete assignments or tests in allotted time; needs
extra time to finish adequately.
- Criticized by others as being "lazy." - Inconsistent quality of work; performance quite variable; e.g.,
high grades mixed with low grades for no apparent reason.
- Criticized by others for "not working up to potential." - Energy tends to fade quickly; "runs out of steam." - Needs to be reminded by others; e.g, teachers, to get started or
to keep working on assigned tasks.
- Starts tasks; e.g., homework assignments, chores, etc., but
doesn't finish them completely.
IRRITABILITY, DEPRESSED MOOD, REJECTION SENSITIVITY
- Easily irritated
- Sensitive to criticism from others. Feels it deeply or for a
long time, or gets overly defensive.
- Usually "laid back" in dealing with others but has outbursts
of intense anger.
- Has difficulty expressing anger appropriately to others.
- Mood is discouraged, depressed, "down." - Tends to be a loner among peers; keeps to self socially.
- Appears apathetic or unmotivated.
ACTIVATING RECALL OF AIMS AND LEARNED INFORMATION
- Information learned well on one day cannot be recalled easily
when it is wanted; e.g., knows material well on night before
test, but cannot recall it adequately for the next day.
- "Freezes" when taking tests or exams; for a while is unable to
get organized and begin.
- Forgets things which were intended to be done; e.g., turn off
appliances, return phone calls, keep appointments, do
assignments, etc.
- Has difficulty memorizing; e.g., vocabulary, math facts,
names, dates, etc.
-------------------------------------------------------- Dr. Thomas E. Brown, Ph.D.
Department of Psychology
Yale University
P.O. Box 6694
Hamden, CT 06517
Found this on Dr-Bob message board. rating scale is from Dr. Thomas E. Brown, who has a site at drthomasebrown.com
BROWN ATTENTION-ACTIVATION DISORDER (BAAD) SCALE
(Note: in this report the term ADD-H is used to signify "Attention Deficit Disorder WITHOUT Hyperactivity")
The AAD (Attention Activation Disorder) construct includes problems in the following areas:
Activating and organizing to work
Sustaining attention and concentration
Sustaining energy and effort
Irritability, depressed mood, rejection sensitivity Activating recall of aims and learned information
"Bright children and adolescents who suffer from attention deficit disorder are at a special risk of having their ADD problems go unrecognized and untreated. Within a pattern of under-achievement, their natural intellectual abilities produce intermittent successes which can mask ADD problems, especially if the person is not hyperactive. This study involved a population of high-IQ children, adolescents, and adults who were underachieving and had symptoms of ADD-H.
Research by Lahey et al. (1988) has shown that Attention Deficit Disorder is not unidimensional and that a subgroup of ADD patients exhibits a pattern of inattention and sluggish tempo WITHOUT hyperactivity. Barkley (1990) has demonstrated that this subgroup also shows less aggression, impulsivity, and overactivity at home and at school, and more of a problem with memory, perceptual-motor speed, and central processing speed. Barkley has suggested that the symptoms of ADD-H are sufficiently different from those of ADHD to warrant considering these as two separate and unique disorders, rather than as subtypes of a single attention disturbance."
ACTIVATING AND ORGANIZING TO WORK
- Has difficulty getting started on tasks; e.g., homework,
reports.
- Feels overwhelmed; e.g., "No way I can do this now" by tasks
which should be managable.
- When first presented with many things to do, has difficulty
deciding which to do first and then getting started.
- Procrastinates excessively; keeps putting things off.
- Slow to react or get started; sluggish, slow moving, doesn't
just jump into things.
- Excessively perfectionist; has to get things "just so." - Sleeps very soundly; hard to wake up in the morning.
- Appears apathetic or unmotivated.
- Misunderstands directions for assignments or tasks.
SUSTAINING ATTENTION AND CONCENTRATION
- When trying to pay attention to someone, e.g., class or
conversation, mind drifts off and briefly loses focus.
- Involuntary "spacing out" occurs intermittently when reading
or listening.
- Easily sidetracked; disrupts a task in progress and switches
to doing something else without any reason.
- When reading, loses track of what has just been read, so needs
to read it again.
- Easily loses track of the main point in reading books,
magazines, and newspapers.
- Gets lost in daydreaming, preoccupied with own thoughts.
- Easily distracted from a task by background noise or activities;
needs to check out whatever else is going on.
- Stares into space; seems "out of it." - Does not appear to be listening even when it is important
to do so.
SUSTAINING ENERGY AND EFFORT
- Feels sleepy or fatigued, even after having had adequate sleep.
- Unable to complete assignments or tests in allotted time; needs
extra time to finish adequately.
- Criticized by others as being "lazy." - Inconsistent quality of work; performance quite variable; e.g.,
high grades mixed with low grades for no apparent reason.
- Criticized by others for "not working up to potential." - Energy tends to fade quickly; "runs out of steam." - Needs to be reminded by others; e.g, teachers, to get started or
to keep working on assigned tasks.
- Starts tasks; e.g., homework assignments, chores, etc., but
doesn't finish them completely.
IRRITABILITY, DEPRESSED MOOD, REJECTION SENSITIVITY
- Easily irritated
- Sensitive to criticism from others. Feels it deeply or for a
long time, or gets overly defensive.
- Usually "laid back" in dealing with others but has outbursts
of intense anger.
- Has difficulty expressing anger appropriately to others.
- Mood is discouraged, depressed, "down." - Tends to be a loner among peers; keeps to self socially.
- Appears apathetic or unmotivated.
ACTIVATING RECALL OF AIMS AND LEARNED INFORMATION
- Information learned well on one day cannot be recalled easily
when it is wanted; e.g., knows material well on night before
test, but cannot recall it adequately for the next day.
- "Freezes" when taking tests or exams; for a while is unable to
get organized and begin.
- Forgets things which were intended to be done; e.g., turn off
appliances, return phone calls, keep appointments, do
assignments, etc.
- Has difficulty memorizing; e.g., vocabulary, math facts,
names, dates, etc.
-------------------------------------------------------- Dr. Thomas E. Brown, Ph.D.
Department of Psychology
Yale University
P.O. Box 6694
Hamden, CT 06517
Day 168 Sunday September 23
FOOD
Bacon and eggs
5 ounces salmon
One whole chicken
Football with friends
Doritos
Eight mini cupcakes
A little salami
1 l of diet Pepsi
Seven barbecued chicken wings
Four crackers
WEIGHT 250
CAFFEINE eight cups of coffee
SLEEP 10, maybe 11 hours
SUN
EXERCISE
BLOOD SUGAR
KETONES
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS
Well, not a good day I guess. I was not very productive today at all. Yesterday I at least felt as if I was trying to get some things down and I spent time looking at my list of things I should be doing and I even did a few of them. Today, however I wasn't even really trying to get things done. The only things I did today were laundry at the last possible minute, and I had a few friends over to watch football today. It was nice to visit with my friends, but I ended up eating a lot of junk food. My friend let me a microphone and and headset that he received with the via voice software. I thought it would improve my voice recognition usage, however it seems to be even worse then the microphone on my computer monitor already is.
Days like today are very discouraging to me. I don't really have much motivation to do things. If I was just lazy, I would have enjoyed myself today. I could have gone to the lake or walked two blocks down to the carnival. Instead, I spent my day surfing the Internet and wasting time. It would be one thing if I just decided to relax on a Sunday and enjoy myself, but I spent the whole day beating myself up for things I should be doing but was not doing, both fun things and chores. I have been reading Sari Solden's book on women with ADD. She has a list of symptoms to test yourself to see if you have ADD, and it's very good. I should put that in a post here, because this last really described how my weekend has gone.
It seems like it wasn't that long ago that I was feeling much more productive and aware and I'm not sure what's happened. I know I haven't been as good with the diet and I made the comment about the diet pop creeping in more and more. I wonder if getting out of the exercise habit has been part of the problem. I was walking pretty much every day but once things got busy at work three weeks ago I stopped. I also haven't been getting as much sun. Today, for instance, was a nice sunny day and I should have been outside but I wasn't I was inside surfing the web all day, and that is bad for my mood.
Bacon and eggs
5 ounces salmon
One whole chicken
Football with friends
Doritos
Eight mini cupcakes
A little salami
1 l of diet Pepsi
Seven barbecued chicken wings
Four crackers
WEIGHT 250
CAFFEINE eight cups of coffee
SLEEP 10, maybe 11 hours
SUN
EXERCISE
BLOOD SUGAR
KETONES
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS
Well, not a good day I guess. I was not very productive today at all. Yesterday I at least felt as if I was trying to get some things down and I spent time looking at my list of things I should be doing and I even did a few of them. Today, however I wasn't even really trying to get things done. The only things I did today were laundry at the last possible minute, and I had a few friends over to watch football today. It was nice to visit with my friends, but I ended up eating a lot of junk food. My friend let me a microphone and and headset that he received with the via voice software. I thought it would improve my voice recognition usage, however it seems to be even worse then the microphone on my computer monitor already is.
Days like today are very discouraging to me. I don't really have much motivation to do things. If I was just lazy, I would have enjoyed myself today. I could have gone to the lake or walked two blocks down to the carnival. Instead, I spent my day surfing the Internet and wasting time. It would be one thing if I just decided to relax on a Sunday and enjoy myself, but I spent the whole day beating myself up for things I should be doing but was not doing, both fun things and chores. I have been reading Sari Solden's book on women with ADD. She has a list of symptoms to test yourself to see if you have ADD, and it's very good. I should put that in a post here, because this last really described how my weekend has gone.
It seems like it wasn't that long ago that I was feeling much more productive and aware and I'm not sure what's happened. I know I haven't been as good with the diet and I made the comment about the diet pop creeping in more and more. I wonder if getting out of the exercise habit has been part of the problem. I was walking pretty much every day but once things got busy at work three weeks ago I stopped. I also haven't been getting as much sun. Today, for instance, was a nice sunny day and I should have been outside but I wasn't I was inside surfing the web all day, and that is bad for my mood.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Day 167 Saturday September 22
FOOD
Fasting in the AM
Southwest salad from McDonald's
This contained a few fritos, a slightly sweet sauce, a tiny amount of corn and beans and a little chicken.
Two large coffees
I was supposed to fast, but I had a headache again.
One pound of line caught tuna
WEIGHT 251
CAFFEINE two large coffees
SLEEP I had a headache, and I went to sleep early. I woke up early on Sunday as a result.
SUN 20 minutes each side
EXERCISE
BLOOD SUGAR
KETONES
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS
I woke up around 10 I guess and spent a little bit of time planning things I should do. I did get out of the house at noon and went to get some sun. I have that mild headache return that I've had on Friday as well, and so I ended up breaking my fast early. Sometimes I associate headaches with the need for carbohydrates, or a need for caffeine so I ended up having both.
I went and bought more grass fed beef, and then came home and still had a headache so I took a nap. I never really got up until 9:00 PM, so I decided to stay in bed and get up early on Sunday.
I spend so much time looking at my list of tasks, and all I got done this weekend and was laying in the sun for 30 minutes, doing some grocery shopping, doing laundry, doing dishes, and surfing the Internet.
Fasting in the AM
Southwest salad from McDonald's
This contained a few fritos, a slightly sweet sauce, a tiny amount of corn and beans and a little chicken.
Two large coffees
I was supposed to fast, but I had a headache again.
One pound of line caught tuna
WEIGHT 251
CAFFEINE two large coffees
SLEEP I had a headache, and I went to sleep early. I woke up early on Sunday as a result.
SUN 20 minutes each side
EXERCISE
BLOOD SUGAR
KETONES
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS
I woke up around 10 I guess and spent a little bit of time planning things I should do. I did get out of the house at noon and went to get some sun. I have that mild headache return that I've had on Friday as well, and so I ended up breaking my fast early. Sometimes I associate headaches with the need for carbohydrates, or a need for caffeine so I ended up having both.
I went and bought more grass fed beef, and then came home and still had a headache so I took a nap. I never really got up until 9:00 PM, so I decided to stay in bed and get up early on Sunday.
I spend so much time looking at my list of tasks, and all I got done this weekend and was laying in the sun for 30 minutes, doing some grocery shopping, doing laundry, doing dishes, and surfing the Internet.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Day 166 Friday September 21st
FOOD
Bacon and eggs
A few tater tots
A few peas
Meatballs
Fasting in the PM
WEIGHT 254
CAFFEINE about 6 cups of coffee
SLEEP 9 hours
SUN
EXERCISE
BLOOD SUGAR
KETONES
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS
Today it was a pretty crazy day. I began to shift to the new department today. It was sad to leave some of my old coworkers behind and I think some of them were unhappy to see me leave. It was nice to meet my new groups and I'm excited about my new position but there will be more work involved of course. I'm planning on just taking it easy this weekend and kind of preparing for Monday. I had a headache a throughout the day, which could probably be attributed to the stress of the day. Felt fairly sharp at least in terms of interpersonal / work related activities today. And then after work I had a burst of energy and stayed late and got some things done to prepare for Monday. So, I could attribute my increased productivity to the fact that I have not been eating carbohydrates, but it could also just be that I don't have much of that choice. Usually I procrastinate until I have no choice but to start getting ready and I guess I'm at that point now. I guess the difference is it's not my fault I just didn't find out what's going on until the last minute. So at the very least I'm doing things in the last minute but I don't feel guilty you're angry with myself and I know I'm just doing the best I can and things will work out fine in the end anyway. I'm also hoping I can ramp up this voice recognition software and use it to help in my new position.
Come to think of it, I did eat carbs today. The tater tots and peas. Fuck.
Bacon and eggs
A few tater tots
A few peas
Meatballs
Fasting in the PM
WEIGHT 254
CAFFEINE about 6 cups of coffee
SLEEP 9 hours
SUN
EXERCISE
BLOOD SUGAR
KETONES
EVENTS/MOOD/ALERTNESS
Today it was a pretty crazy day. I began to shift to the new department today. It was sad to leave some of my old coworkers behind and I think some of them were unhappy to see me leave. It was nice to meet my new groups and I'm excited about my new position but there will be more work involved of course. I'm planning on just taking it easy this weekend and kind of preparing for Monday. I had a headache a throughout the day, which could probably be attributed to the stress of the day. Felt fairly sharp at least in terms of interpersonal / work related activities today. And then after work I had a burst of energy and stayed late and got some things done to prepare for Monday. So, I could attribute my increased productivity to the fact that I have not been eating carbohydrates, but it could also just be that I don't have much of that choice. Usually I procrastinate until I have no choice but to start getting ready and I guess I'm at that point now. I guess the difference is it's not my fault I just didn't find out what's going on until the last minute. So at the very least I'm doing things in the last minute but I don't feel guilty you're angry with myself and I know I'm just doing the best I can and things will work out fine in the end anyway. I'm also hoping I can ramp up this voice recognition software and use it to help in my new position.
Come to think of it, I did eat carbs today. The tater tots and peas. Fuck.
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